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Envy and Jealousy; Who It Really Hurts – Midlife Support for Women 40 and Over

Envy and Jealousy are similar in meaning.  Jealousy is the fear of losing someone to another while envy refers to wanting something that belongs to another person.  In both cases, these two emotions are very unpleasant and take great impact on the ones that are targeted.

I often wondered why these items are referred to as ‘Green’ and ‘the Green Eyed Monster’. Well, in most cases, people who display these emotions tend to be monsters because they normally hurt others.  Intentional or not, the end results are always painful to the receiving party.  emotionalintelligencybook

I recommend the following book to enlighten oneself on controlling emotions.

Jealousy, typically, involves three people and the term mentioned above (Green Eyed Monster) is usually associated with it.  I believe when you truly care for someone, it is quite common to have a little twist of jealousy – especially in a new relationship.  Most often, this occurs because of insecurities.  Good communication comes in handy here – helping to feel comfortable with each other.  If this is absent, problems can begin.

Having jealousy for no apparent reason is a different issue.  It could be stemming from past experiences.  Whether it is from former relationships or early childhood dilemmas, it is something to pay attention to.  The person on the receiving end could undergo some extreme treatment if it is not addressed.  I have had my share of this, and I can tell you that it is no picnic being with someone that is overly jealous.  It is almost impossible to love the person.  In addition to my theory mentioned above, it is also my belief that most people with this problem are ones that, in reality, do not love themselves.  It’s as if they are actively trying to find out why you do.  I know this sounds a little weird, but this is what I’ve noticed from my past experiences.  Jealousy finds its way in a lot of strange places, but when it is in a relationship, it is sometimes difficult to make it work; love is usually not enough at this point.

In terms of envy, we all have moments of wanting more or thriving to get further in life. But when you are controlled by this emotion, to the point of being mean and abusive, that is no good.  Envy is not bias; it can pretty much come from anyone.  For example, a mother can be envious of a daughter; a husband of a wife; a friend of another friend, etc.  You will be surprised to learn how simple it can begin and the impact it can take on the one it’s happening to.  It can even ruin a person’s life. Yes, it is nothing to play with. You have to be very careful if you are associated with someone that cannot control this emotion.  A great example, if you could imagine, is working under a boss that is envious you.  That person now has the power to interfere with your working conditions, your salary, etc.  Let’s make it even more interesting ‘what if you are a single parent with school fees, car payments and a mortgage?’  Could you imagine!  These things are occurring every day.

I started out in banking, rather than follow my dream as a model.  I went to a fashion high school and was working my way into the modeling world.  After a few years into it, I decided to learn a skill and have a career in the corporate world.  I’m not sure what happened after I got out of school, but I was not left alone to do my job.  I was constantly being tortured by some of my peers and bosses.  I began to change up the different environments (from banking to legal to sales) so that I could survive but nothing worked.  I had to keep switching jobs.  Finally, I began to question what was causing these unpleasant responses.  Because I did periodic self-examination, I realized that I was having trouble because I was being me.  I was going on jobs being myself, which is always laughing, socializing and being happy.  I loved what I did, and I did it well.   Even though I have problems, no one could tell because I am always smiling and joking around.  I didn’t know it back then, but some people are not very happy to be around someone with this demeanor

Over the years, I have had some really bad things happen to me because of the way I am.  I often think if I knew what I did today, I could have saved myself from some of the negative experiences I endured.  But is that really true?  How do you change your personality?  This disposition has cost me personal relationships, jobs, childhood friendships, even some family members – simply because of my gregariousness.

Now I understand the problem and can identify the beast when it appears.  I know what it looks like, and I know what to do when it shows itself.  I move away and do not try to be close with anyone that displays this behavior.  This emotion is nothing to play with and should be taken very seriously.  Envy and jealousy are mentioned all over the bible and go back to the beginning of time.  It is each of our responsibility to grow within ourselves to quiet these monsters, but most people are not conscious of this or feel they need to be.

Having fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness and self-control) is rear – especially in later years.  It is something to be very proud of having because anger and resentment is very easy to have when you get to your 40’s and 50’s.  It is at this time that we can easily identify with who did what to us.  Rather than be a missile waiting land – walking around being evil and envious of others, it is a good idea to focus on growing from within and being a blessing to someone else.  When you can get to this stage and still be pleasant — being grateful for the little things; treating people with respect; and being contented with what you do have, you will appear rich to others when, in fact, you have very little.  This is because what you will now have is not defined by money or material things.  So don’t hurt others for what you are feeling.  Instead, try to understand how to acquire these qualities and possess them yourself.  When you train yourself to overcome your negative emotions, you will no longer have the need to be jealous or envious of anyone.  Instead, you too will begin to see the benefits of being truly blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied).

P.S.  Take control of things a little more aggressively for the New Year by looking and feeling your best ever.  See video for more details http://bit.ly/2lHUZ1b

Read our emotions‘ article and see our video on ‘Emotional Intelligence’ https://youtu.be/Hcvjwiqegec

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